Cathy the Librarian

Watched another movie!

Catch 22 – Wow. There were so many well-known actors in this I wanted to have IMDB up right next to me to keep track of it all. Plus there were just a lot of people in it. Trying to keep track of who died when was pretty confusing. But I have to admit that I enjoyed it… well as much as you can enjoy a movie where most of the characters are likable… and then just like that they’re dead. Sad. I was just going to say “plus I don’t like war movies”
but I did like:

1. Das Boot – which was incredible and terrifying if you don’t like enclosed spaces.
2. Saving Private Ryan – I cried at the end. I’m ashamed, but what can you do.
3. Full Metal Jacket – Show this to anyone that you are trying to convince not to join the military. Plus the Sargent that was screaming at the recruits was none other than R. Lee Ermey. Wow. What a way to get the hairs on your arms to stand to attention. I’m hoping that things are different, but it still makes me hope that Jack doesn’t want to join the military.
4. Starship Troopers – Jeff will be so proud. I have to admit it. I love this movie. Its silly and violent. Its all about who’s got the biggest cojones. However I do think that as much as its silly, the movie (the book really) also has a statement to make. It was published around 1960, which, although it didn’t sound premeditated, coincided with the Vietnam War. The movie made it seem as though it was a privilege to fight in the war against the bugs. In order to become a citizen, you needed to join the military. You also needed to join the military in order to have babies… what a way to kill off the population. Plus there was a whole side thing with the females and males being treated as equals, but so much so that nothing was separate, they showered and bunked together. Interesting and silly.
5. Apocalypse Now – I hope that war isn’t really like this. If men were going this mad, I don’t know how anyone made it out alive. This is also based on a book. A book I was forced to read in high school. A book which I tried to block out of my mind because it was so very awful. It was called Heart of Darkness (by Joseph Conrad) and I seem to remember that Mr. Conrad wasn’t well versed in the English language, and yet still decided to write the book in English. Still the movie is disturbing and fascinating, much like all the rest of these movies.

I don’t know what compels me to watch some of these movies. Many of them make my skin crawl. And yet, I still watch them, and I thank god because at one point I wanted to join the Air Force. It may be for some people, but not me. I’ll stick to children and teens beating each other up rather than me beating up the rest of the world.

Blegh. Good night. Make love not war.

In WATAT, she posted about the movies she had time to watch this weekend. I can’t believe I made time to watch these many movies, but somehow we managed to watch these movies this weekend:

1. Emma which I watched alone. I know that I had seen it once before, and I don’t think I need to see it ever again. I forgot how terrible it was. Yuck. I have a soft spot for movies like this, but this was just putrid. Gwenneth Paltrow plays Emma. The whole thing’s a sloppy disaster.
2. Better Off Dead If you are ever in a foul mood, you need to watch this movie (or 16 Candles). Both are hysterically funny and absolutely silly. John Cusack is so innocent and naive. I don’t think I stopped laughing once.
3. The Blob This one was actually much better than I thought it would be. Plus the “hero” of the movie was a female high school senior (and a cheerleader too).
4. the first half of Gone with the Wind with my in-laws. Good grief is it a long movie.
5. and right now I’m watching The Big Store with the Marx Brothers. Boy this isn’t one of their better ones. Oh my god. There’s some offensive stuff in here. The 1940’s were quite a time for movies.

At some point I really want to watch Pan’s Labyrinth and An Inconvenient Truth. But, considering the time, I don’t think its going to happen this weekend.

My long overdue resolutions:

1. get more organized at home & work
2. write more often in all my blogs
3. play ddr more often
4. get pregnant
5. call friends more often
6. learn how to play my ukulele
7. complain less
8. spend less money on frivolous things
9. talk to library patrons more often to get an idea of programs they want
10. clean my house and actually throw stuff away

My sister started working for me today. It was a lot of fun working with her. She gave me quite a few ideas for the summer reading program. Plus she showed me a tool on our library catalog that I didn’t know about. How cool is that?

I’ve decided that I’m really going to need to work her hard. I have so much to do. It’s sometimes hard to keep it all straight. I think it’ll be nice to have ideas and projects to bounce off Jenny. Sally said that I can have one of the clerks as my own. I may have to take her up on it. I could really use someone that I can have do all the actual orders once I fill out the cards, have them make all the posters (even though I really like making them) as well as any other small things. Its hard though, I like doing a lot of these things myself. Unfortunately I know that I don’t have the time. I look at calendars like Webster’s and I grow faint. Granted, I know that they have more staff, but I wish I could offer more. I wish I knew what the heck I was doing!…

I think that I might need to try and visit a couple of Webster’s story times, because as much as I try, I don’t think I’m doing a very good job. In fact, I think I’m terrible. Sure, I’m not as bad as the hockey player that came to my library, but he didn’t plan on making story telling part of his career. Oh dear.
On another note, I’ve tried adding a wiki to my blog, but I don’t like this one too much. Fheh. I guess I’ll have to look a little harder.

I just feel so sad.
I don’t really know how to explain it. I just feel so weary and useless. I try to hide it from people, but sometimes, I think my sister sees it. Or my mom. It’ll go away again, but its always there in the background. It makes me feel so weak. I feel this way now. There are so many things I should be doing. So many things that I need to do. But I just can’t. I feel so tired and weak. So alone. And I don’t think that there’s anything I can do about it. I can’t really tell anyone. My feelings are so very small in the grand scheme of the world. I know people that have had loved ones die, have had cancer, have had awful things happen to them. What’s happened to me? Nothing. I should feel really happy. But sometimes, I just can’t. I know that Jeff tells me not to get sad. But sometimes it just doesn’t work that way. I just get so tired and bleary.

small speck.
doesn’t really matter.
no one need bother.
no one sees it.

except me.
I see it. I feel it.
its this tiny dark speck in my heart.
burning and aching.
but there’s nothing to be done about it.
I must live alone with this burden.

Try to be strong.
Though it weighs me down so.
It hurts and makes me weak.
No one wants to know.
I can’t let them know.
They will hurt me more.
Break me.

Free Republic discussion

I’m doing a presentation in two weeks about comic books for kids, and in researching, I found this interesting discussion about a public library carrying Gunsmith Cats in the children’s collection of their public library. This comic is published by Dark Horse Comics, which usually publishes adult comics. I highlight this because they are usually VERY adult. I may have one series from Dark Horse in my teen section, but I have stickers on them that say they are for OLDER TEENS.

I was really horrified by the way the people discussing viewed librarians and libraries…

“And I know a certain liberal (perverted) librarian (Hi Vicki you miserable wretch. Grow a spine witch) who despises children basically anti-family who moved to the Florida panhandle who would defend this type of kiddie porn comic book. She’s probably ordering stacks to fill her library cuz GOSH, it’s all about free speech.”
A couple of people said that the girl should steal the book and burn it. Terrifying.

Luckily, Conan the Librarian was there to share a librarian’s point of view.

Then I read an article about this poor guy who worked at a comic books store in Texas, and was arrested because he sold an adult comic book to an adult. For shame.

I’ve hardly been on the Internet these last three? four? weeks. I’ve had lots of vacation, quite a bit of which was spent at Walt Disney World. I had plenty of plans for my time off (hmm. preparing for my presentation maybe?) but it was hard to get anything done with this little “issue” called Jack. For some reason he wanted me to play with him all the time.

… sorry time for bed (its 11:15 pm) I’ll finish up tomorrow. Hopefully.

God. Sometime (I hate to say this) I HATE vacations. I feel like I’ve lost my sense of continuity in the world. I’ve hardly been on the Internet. I don’t know what day it is. I know there are things that I should be doing, but when I try and get a list together… Oh and there’s this little thing about my son. Yeh, he won’t let me do anything. Right now he’s screaming and trying to push me out of my chair.

I feel like I need to be doing something, and I know that there’s going to be tons of work when I get back to the library, plus I have to start working on the comic book presentation, but I guess right now I just have to play with my son. Damn. 🙂

Wow. It feels like its been forever! I’ve been home on vacation, and with Jack all day… which means that not much gets done. That’s okay. I love him. Still I can’t tell you about all the fascinating stuff that’s happened to mean.

1. I’m still not pregnant. While I’m really trying not to think about it constantly, I do. I’m really ready now! Anytime would be fine… well Jeff’s happy that I’m not pregnant right now because it means he can force me on all the scary rides at Walt Disney World. I can also go in hot tubs, which is a really good thing, and I can still imbibe, which is a pretty good thing, but not worth not being pregnant for.

2. Sally convinced me not to go for the director’s job. She really seemed honest when she said that the library world need young enthusiastic librarians like Adrienne, Stephanie and I to innovate and make libraries exciting. Sally also knows that I like working with people, and my public interaction time would be cut down drastically if I became director. She also reasoned with me that I have only been a librarian since May 2003 (although sometimes it seems much longer than that) and I may want to get more comfortable and secure with my job before moving up to a managerial position. She said that I should want until I’m at least in my thirties and tired/bored/having a mid-life-job crisis before deciding to move on and up. She said that once a director, there’s no going back. Should I decide that I want to be a children’s or teen librarian after being a director, potential new bosses may be worried that I won’t take direction very well, or I might want to take over my boss’ job. Plus she said that she doesn’t want to look for another librarian. She was very persuasive and seemed to convince me almost too easily. So anyway, I’m not going to be the director of Brockport.
3. I was asked to do a presentation in Jamestown on Technology and Teens. I let them know that I was interested, before finding out that they’re nearly three hours away. Then they emailed me back and I found out that I would be giving a THREE HOUR workshop. They would pay for lodging and food, because they’d want me to come the night before. I would talk to between 25 – 40 people… many who are people that work in one person staffed libraries that are mostly operated by volunteers. I think it should be really neat, so I agreed (plus the $1200 I asked for helped too). Unfortunately, its all contingent on them getting a grant that they applied for, so we shall see.

4. I accidentally miscalculated all my vacation time so I had a ton that I had to use and I’ve been on vacation tons these last few weeks. I’ve gotten to spend quite a bit of time with my sister who’s back from North Carolina, and I even got a chance to show her and my sister how to crochet! We’ve had tons of fun. I’ll get to spend all of next week with her and then we’ll be in Walt Disney World for a week and a half, so I get to spend even more time with her!

5. I’ve been crocheting bowls. I know this sounds weird, but I’ve been crocheting with wool and felting them. They are really neat! I want to get some bright red, yellow and blue (and maybe even orange, green and purple) and make some bowls that get progressively bigger and bigger. I haven’t had time yet, but soon. I made two bowls: one for my friend Clorinda, who is going to watch Jack on Christmas eve (gads tomorrow!) so that we can go to our 11pm church service, and I made one for my grandmother. I also made a really sweet purse for my sister-in-law, which I think turned out really well. I keep wanting to take pictures of everything I make, but then forget until after I give it away. Oh well. I’ll take pictures of these.
Hmmm. I think that’s it for now. Oh I went to a girls only party and I drank way too much booze, it was great fun! Unfortunately I stayed up until 5 this morning and only slept 3.5 or 4 hours. I’m tired. Good night!.. and if I don’t see you,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Yesterday I received a call from one of the local library board members. One of my coworkers answered the phone and didn’t get anything but the guys name. I immediately thought that he was trying to sell something so I was going to have her tell him that I was in a “meeting”. And don’t tell me you don’t do it, because I know you do. Anyway, she asked him what he was with, and he said that he was from the library. I had no idea why he would be calling me, and then I remembered that they wanted me to create a website for them. Ack. As I was trying to think of good ways to let him down, he started buttering me up about something, letting me know how some of the staff really like me, and that they’ve heard lots of good things about me. That’s when I started getting scared.

That’s when he dropped the bomb.

So what would you think about applying for the director’s position?

Egads.

He lets me know that there are quite a few board members who are interested in change. One of the board members is connected to the government. They understand that the location of the library has special difficulties, the main one being working with three different municipalities. He said that many of the people working at the library have been there for years and years, and they know what they’re doing.

I told him I would have to think about it. And boy have I been. It seems like it would be a really interesting opportunity. I am a little concerned though…

• Since people have been there years and years, they might not be as receptive to change.
• I’d also have to do budgeting, and I’d have to push for more money… I may need to take a workshop on budgeting. I may need to do that anyway.
• I’d be in charge, so when the “special” patrons come in, I’d be the one that people would call for.
• I’d have to do yearly reviews.
• I’d be the boss of people twice my age.
• I may have to lay people off (how often does that even happen?)
• I wouldn’t be able to chase kids with puppets (as often) or do programming with the teens, which means no more playing DDR or watching anime.

Even so, I think it would be neat to have the oppurtunity to create good changes, to have an open ear and open mind for the staff that may not get heard too often. I really like people of all ages, which is why I became a librarian. Honestly, the books were really secondary. Sure, I like getting people excited about reading, but what I really like is when people come in and they are happy to see me, when I can make a difference in their day, when someone comes in a little grumpy and I can make them smile. That is why I became a librarian. I like interacting with people.

Sally said that there probably won’t be as much of that if I’m director. I won’t have as much time to interact with the public. I won’t be able to attack the kids with puppets, talk to the teens about manga, or chat up some of the older people. I did talk to Patty from Ogden, and she told me to go for it. She said as director, since I’m in charge, I can do what I want. I can hold an occasional story time or attack the kids. She told me that people like it when the director gets directly involved with the public.

My sister was a little on the fence about the whole thing. She claims that I don’t like making decisions (I have no idea where she got that idea!) and she let me know that I really want to work with teens… all of which is true.

It would also be nice to make more money. Right now I’m on the very low end of 30, and the library director’s position would bring me up to 45. On the other hand, I think I had about 5 or 6 weeks of vacation (because you can carry over 2 weeks) plus I get 12 sick days. This new position would only give me three weeks and 10 sick days. Plus I have absolutely no idea what the health insurance is like. All of these are quite possibly even more important than salary when you have a little guy at home.

Plus, my sister was supposed to do a directed study at my library… 120 hours of free labor.

I don’t know I don’t know.