who deserves this
the pity in their eyes
the uncomfortable silences
the quick glances away
trying to explain myself
normal
so I am no longer
a concern
all I need
is to smell your sweetness
is to touch your soft new skin
to look in those eyes
and see my own
reflected back
I’m just left with
emptiness
and cards to explain
my grief
which does not go away
no one sees
this small tight pain
deep in my chest
squeezing my eyes
shut
how I wish
it would sprout wings
flutter away
no
it burrows
creating holes
creating leaks
creating emptiness
where like was supposed to be
and I am left
so hollow
trying desperately
to smile
for all those watching
all I want
is to bury myself
and cry
I’ve not been up to writing. Every time I think about writing, I see that post and.. blah. However Jeff has been pestering me to write again, so I figure I should. When I say I haven’t been writing, that’s not absolutely true. I have a paper journal that I sometimes write in. One night in June I wrote almost a dozen poems about feeling bummed and helpless. I started to think that since my sister can get up the courage to put her poetry up on her blog… I guess I can too. They’re really awful, so I warn you now. Of course you won’t see this until after you read my stuff, so maybe I should warn you after too. 🙂
BTW, I’m doing better, but then I get to thinking about it, or I see a very pregnant person and I get all melancholy. Its interesting though, if I have to let someone I haven’t seen in a while know about it I feel like I need to console them and let them know its okay. Maybe that’s the public servant in me, needing to make sure that everyone’s okay.