Cathy the Librarian

I’m making a few really really late new year’s resolutions.

I’m going to:
1) try and update this blog more often
2) practice yoga more often
3) DDR more often
4) read more often
5) watch less tv
6) get more organized at work, so that Sally isn’t embarrassed of me
7) learn how to play the guitar (darn you Jason!)
8) learn how to do string tricks (double darn to you Adrienne!)=
9) take more courses at RRLC
10) make new year’s resolutions when I’m supposed to… at the beginning of the year!

I guess I’ve just been in a funk recently. Over the past two days, I’ve deleted about 500-600 books, and there are still more left to delete. I’ve felt really disorganized at work, and I’ve been falling behind on keeping track of my spending. I’m really awful at keeping records, which is appalling. I’m more the freespirited kind of person that goes around with the chicken puppet and the stickers making kids smile. Its really shameful. If they teach courses about time/money management at RRLC, I’ll have to take them. Immediately. Plus, I’ve been thinking about having another kid, and I’m no lightweight anymore. I need to lay off the fancy coffees. Too many calories. Double plus, a librarian that doesn’t have time to read, is like a firefighter with no time to fight fires. Can’t be allowed.
Wow. Time to go to bed. I’m getting too old for this.

BTW. I love driving my new car!

I am still amazed, although I probably shouldn’t be anymore. It is so easy to get trapped in the blog world. Skipping from blog to blog, reading random people’s random thoughts and next thing you know, its midnight, you realize that you’re older than you’ve ever been and you have no idea how you got to a blog written by a crack whore (do crack whores really keep blogs, do you think?)

Actually I found a couple neat blogs. One from the YA librarian from Webster, one from a local DJ/Librarian and one from some person that “claims she’s a nice person“. Of course, sometimes I go onto myspace and whole days could go by before I realized what was happening.

One really neat blog that I’ve been trying to keep up with is my friend Clorida’s. She’s living in India for three months and trying to find some way of using her studies in social work. She’s really intelligent and easy to talk to. She gets sleepy between 8:00 – 9:00 pm. She really likes helping the less fortunate, partly because she’d been through a lot when she was a kid but mostly because she’s a really good caring person. I really can’t speak more highly of her.

I think it’s really interesting to point out that I’m also friends with her sister, and they are like night and day. They are SO completely different. There are a couple of things that are the same: 1) they are the truest friends you’ll ever have and 2) they CANNOT under any circumstances live together. We lived in a house for a year, and while for the most part it was a lot of fun, I realized that their is NO way that they should EVER live together. They got on each other’s nerves all the time. Separately, they are the most wonderful people I know, but when they get together for any length of time. Yee Gods. Trouble comes a brewing. I think that they most put off conflicting pheramones or something. I really have no idea how to explain it.

Well, its way past my bed time and Jeff wants me to move to my side of the bed. So I bid farwell to anyone that’s reading. Have a good night and don’t let the bed bugs or the head lice bite!

**Update** This post was started on May 29, 2006

I really want to write. I’ve always know this. I was going to get a creative writing degree in college, and was discouraged from doing so (by my parents of course) so I went into journalism, which I didn’t like and changed to English Lit, which was equally, if not more useless. Although the English professors at Geneseo are really neat, so far, I have not had a chance to make use of my knowledge in Elizabethian and Jacobean drama. If you care, here is a list of the English courses I took while at Geneseo:

18th Century British Literature
American Voices: African-American Migration Narrative
Drama: Elizabethan & Jacobean
Exploring the Renaissance
Major Author: Momaday & Silko
Modern American Literature
The Practice of Criticism
Senior Seminar: Sentiment & Scandal
Shakespeare I

I actually have a whole list of my undergrad courses here and my grad courses here.
So far the only really useful course was the Children’s Lit course I took at MCC. Of course it was fun taking weird courses like the Sentiment and Scandal course, in which we read books like Pride and Prejudice and one of the Marquis de Sade’s books. (I’ll have to look at my books to remember which one).

**Update #2** Around here written around May 30, 2006

What renewed my interest in writing were two things:
a BBC original movie about Shakespeare
and an interview in the School Library Journal with the author Lynne Rae Perkins.

I just think that its great to have such an intensity for something. I think I’m pretty intense about being a librarian, but sometimes I don’t get much personal satisfaction from it.

**Update #3** Here is what I actually wrote today, May 31, 2006. My god, is it almost June already?

Great Honk! It’s taken me three days to write this post (I bet you can’t guess why). I have absolutely no idea how I’d write a book.

Oh well, I better just finish this thing (finally) why Jack manages to entertain himself. Damn-it! Already into stuff he should’nt be.

Okay, really quickly. One of the blogs I read, by Patty Uttaro, the director of one of our local public libraries has put forth a challenge (or rather, another librarian blog she reads has)… to read as many books between June 16 – 18 that we can. After that we talk about each one on our own blog. She calls it the 48 Hour Book Challenge. I call it well-nigh a damn miracle if I could even read one book! But anyway, I accept the challenge, and even if I read nothing but children’s books, its still more than I’ve read recently. Plus I really need to get back to reading again.

In closing, I’d better go. Somehow Jack found a tampon and decided that he should give it to me as a gift. What a sweet boy… or something. (I do love him. I just need to find that patience that seems to be missing right now.)

I feel like a horrible mother. I don’t keep track of each time a tooth breaks through, when he starts eating a new food, when he sat up by himself or when he first laughed. I haven’t had any professional pictures taken (and he’s almost 14 months) or taken a lot of videos. I love him so much, but when he gets older, I’m sure he’ll ask why I didn’t keep track of all that information… well, on the otherhand, maybe he won’t, he is a guy after all.

Every day is a new day that is just so much fun now that he’s around. I think I look forward to getting up a lot more. I look in his face and I feel so good, like everything is at peace with the world. What a wonderful feeling.

Still. I can’t even remember if we took pictures at his first birthday, or the first time he unwrapped a present or ate a piece of chocolate cake… hmm, I’m pretty sure Jeff wouldn’t allow that. Jeff’s a little bit of a neat freak when it comes to Jack. The rest of the house could go to pot… which it does somewhat. Not totally. I’m not a complete mess, but anyone who has seen Jeff and I, knows that we aren’t Mr. and Mrs. SQUEEKY Clean. We probably are more likely to resemble… Sorta Clean Gene. Okay so I have no idea what I’m going on about, but we are not the cleanest people in the world.

One trouble with not being neurotically clean is that we have a vomitty cat who vomits in places that we can’t see. Now we have little bugs everywhere. I think that I may kill my cat… okay I probably won’t kill my cat, but I’d like to. We have her on drugs, food that costs more that the food I eat, and she drinks water out of a little fountain. And yet, still she vomits. And I want to kill her.

Ah well. What can we do.

BTW, I really wish that I had more times to read books. What good is a librarian that has no time to read books?

I NEED TO READ!

I couldn’t remember the lyrics to the Looney Tunes cartoon with the frog that was found in a box. I thought that the lyrics were something like good night or good bye, so that they would be appropriate now, but then I found out that the lyrics are HELLO. Damn. Well, I used them anyway.

Hello! (GOOD NIGHT) ma baby, Hello! (GOOD NIGHT) Ma honey, Hello! (GOOD NIGHT) ma ragtime gal.

So GOOD NIGHT!

My husband has a discussion board, and somehow, one thing led to another and they ended up talking salaries. Oh! I know. I think that some union employees in Delphi were complaining because the company wanted to decrease their wages (if it was me, I think I’d want to complain too) from $27 an hour to $16.50 an hour. Right now, I make about $16.50 an hour (or about $31,000 a year). I found an article that stated that in 1998, in a medium sized library, a beginning librarian made an average of 28,767 a year. That means that 8 years later, I’m only making about $3000 more a year than those librarians.

I try not to be upset about this.

I try telling myself that its only money and that when we die that we can’t take it with us.
I try reminding myself that I like working with kids and teens and the rest of the public (sometimes).
I try reminding myself that its a worthy cause to be a strong advocate on behalf of the youth in my town.
I think about when the kids are excited because I found them a book they had never heard of but were excited to read.
I think about when the kids are *so* excited to shake their wiggles out at storytime that they can’t stand still.
I think about when the kids want to give me a hug because they like having me around.

I *really* do try and remind myself of all of these things.

And then…

I think of the teens getting in my face and calling me a fucking bitch.
I think about the guy who hovers and won’t leave you alone.
I think of the old guy who leaves boogers on his books and asks you to put holds on fifty things and changes his mind a couple of days later and the stuff has already come, and he doesn’t want to pay the fees.
I think of the people that think I’m personally out to get them when I tell them:
*turn off your cell phone
*your children need to stop climbing on the shelves or running through the aisle
*you can’t use the internet and type a paper at the same time
*you have to pay for that print out even though you didn’t mean for 20 more pages to  come out of the printer (usually they run out of the library)
*I’m sorry I don’t know which book you are talking about that has the blue cover that is about this thick (shows with fingers extended) is about some kind of war and has the word “the” in the title
I  think of all the programming that I have to do because not only can’t they afford to pay me well, they can’t afford to hire another librarian to do either teens or children’s services, because I do both.
I think about how I have four story times, yet people complain because we don’t have as many story times as *that* library. Then, after preparing for those storytimes, only one person shows up, or sometimes none, and everyone who signed up doesn’t bother letting me know if they’re sick or dead.
I think about how people complain because we don’t have enough general programming, enough educational programs, or we show too many movies. Then I plan a poetry program and NO ONE shows up.
Alright, so I know that I shouldn’t be jealous of Jeff’s friends who are making $55,000 – $65,000 or more. I know that I should accept the fact the librarians are typically women, and women usually make less than men. I should be glad that in the next 20 years or so my undergrad and grad loans will finally be paid off. I should be glad to have a job at all! But that doesn’t make it any easier to know that a manager at Wilson Farms makes about $2.00 an hour more than I do. I’m greatful to have these people here, but what kind of message are people trying to send. I shouldn’t both having gotten a 6 year college degree when I can go to Wilson Farms with a high school diploma and make more money.

This F’ing SUCKS!…. Nevermind the fact that I drive past three other libraries on the way to get to my library.

I guess its just because I’m tired from working hard. I just can’t understand it.

Okay, I just found this article, that has updated median salaries.

Here are some of the results:
Librarians who do not supervise, make an average of $47,246
Beginning librarians make an average of $36,486

I’d say that I’m below that by quite a bit.

“I can bear no longer! Goblin King! Goblin King! Wherever you may be take this child of mine far away from me! ” – Sarah
Just had to type this down somewhere. Its a quote from my favorite movie in all the world, Labyrinth.
If you haven’t seen it, you need to. David Bowie with big hair and tight tight pants… priceless!

I am so behind in my work! One minute it was December, and the next thing I know its practically May. What is up with THAT?!? So you may ask, why do I wish it was September? Please take note of the name of my blog… As a public librarian who works with kids and teens, our busiest time of the year is the summer. I have almost no idea of what I’m going to do. Plus the NYS theme this year is Books: a Treasure. The only thing that is worse than what is for the kids is what they have for the teens. Its is all about the bling for teens, and that is so five years ago. I find the whole thing offensive.

Therefor, I’m going for the whole Jack Sparrow/Johnny Depp theme this summer for the teens. That and I’m going to try and give food away as prizes for reading books this summer. Once another teen librarian told me “Feed them and they will come”. Sure enough, it works. So that’s what I plan on doing. Food for the guys and Johnny Depp for the ladies.

For the kids I’m going to do Princesses and Pirates (and books) oh my… I figure if the girls can dress up and be princesses and the boys can act like pirates, they will come by the droves. Especially if I sweeten the pot with tiaras and eye patches.

Still, lots more planning to do, and I need to be fleshed out and ready to go before the end of May. That doesn’t give much time…. Cripes, I better get to bed. I’m exhausted just thinking about it!

How to say this without feeling like an idiot? Although when I am at work and I’m forced to be extroverted in order to make patrons comfortable, I’m really very shy and socially inept. I have a lot of trouble talking to people, completing sentences, starting conversations, and generally trying to put myself in social situations. I think sometimes its even worse when I’m in social situations, because its so very obvious that I’m trying to be extroverted.

Oh and did I mention, I have trouble putting thoughts together.

ANYWAY. I don’t have too many friends. I have a couple, but with the baby and my inability to drive, I don’t get around much. I see the people at work, the people at my church, Jeff and my sisters. Not much socializing. I think that the things that’s are really keeping me from making friends are all that I just mentioned. I’ll blame it on my parents because they are introverted too and they don’t have very many friends either.

Posts like these remind me why people don’t have electronic journals, but regular paper journals. I should probably be one of those people right now.

I hate it! I want to get other people’s opinions. I want to know what other people are thinking about. I want to be able to say, “Hey come over and play (DDR, Hearts, Spit, Catch Phrase…). I have a cabinet full of tea and coffee and Sirius so we can listen to new wave music all night long.” Yeah, that would be nice. I can’t even remember to introduce people when they don’t know eachother.

I can’t believe that I’m still typing. I think I must be forgetting what I’m typing as soon as I write it. But I’m still typing, aren’t I… I think I need someone like Jimny Crickett to watch over me.

Anyway again. Now that you know that I can’t hold a conversation worth beans, I don’t really know where to go with this post… hmm, sadly appropriate, I guess.

How this post started was from a card that I received. Actually, this has been the third card that I received, and I’d like to try and officially be her friend… that sounds stupid. Unfortunately, I’ve really never just become friends with someone. Anyone that I actually (ocassionally) “hang out” with, I’ve known since high school. I don’t just go up to people and say “Gosh your a nice lady, can we be friends?”

I received my one (and only) birthday card in the mail today (besides the sappy ones from my mom and grandmother, the one with death in the rear view mirror and the caption “Items in the the mirror are closer than you think” from my aunt and uncle, and the email one from my sister with a farting frog. So I got some cards from my family, but it was nice to get a card from a “non-family”. It was the neatest card, with Olivia the pig. Jack loved it, because I’d like to believe that he remembered that Olivia was the pig in his board book. Olivia was exercizing, and she really likes exercising, but she REALLY likes accesorizing. (What girl doesn’t?) I was very happy to get the card, and it reminds me why I think that the person who gave me the card is a very cool person.

Thank you for the card, if you read this post… and ever speak to me again, since I sound like I’m off my meds and need to get back on. I guess I may have to listen in on the journal writing program that I’m having at my library on Thursday. Maybe the presenter will help teach me how to write and not sound like an idiot.
(Jeff, I know that you are reading this, and since we’re married, I know that you know that I’m a crazy chick, but you can stop shaking your head, or whatever you are doing…)

Oh well, its almost my birthday. We’re all allowed one day to become total crack heads, right? Still, I should probably stop while I’m ahead… if I’m even ahead anymore!

Sometimes I wish that I had no responcibilities except going to school and handing in my homework. I’m involved in this grant, which is really great because I get to work with other librarians and it helps homeschoolers, but its hard because there are parts that I need to do, and unfortunately, I don’t really have any help. One of the biggest downfalls to a small library is that when you do things, its just you doing everything, there isn’t a helpful assistant that will pop out at your bidding. Therefor, I have a lot on my plate. I hate even saying it anymore, because complaining is really getting old. I’m getting tired of saying “whaa whaa” “I have to do all the ordering and programming for kids and teens” “Whaa, feel sorry for me” I mean, puh-lease. If I heard someone else say that, I’d tell them to grow up.

Still, I had to create 30 art kits on different topics (15 for K – 2 and 15 for 3 – 5), and I was having a hard time figuring out how to divide up the kits. At one point I had everything divided by time period and type of art. Then one of the pages (who is an education major) slapped me in the face (not really, but she should have) and said umm.. Cathy? How about colors and shapes? Kindergarteners don’t really need to know about the Baroque and Renaisannce time periods. Well how about stating the obvious? At least it should have been. But I just kept getting more and more complex and I really didn’t have any idea what I was going to do. At least now I just have to get books on colors, ballerinas, instruments, play-doh. You know kid stuff.

Oh well. Time to DDR now. Nighty night.

Update (2 minutes later): Too late to DDR since its already 10 pm. 🙁

Nine days until I turn… 27. I know this may not seem a big deal to some people, but to me, okay so its not a big deal. But really, I’m actually pretty satisfied with my life. Okay, so I’d like it if I had more friends (that actually called me) or that it would be easier to lose weight (okay so skim Starbucks does not equal low calories) and it might be nice if work was closer/I made more money/didn’t have to break my butt working, and I wished that I’d never had a seizure, but otherwise, I’m satisfied.

Some things that make me happy right now:

1) I love love love my son. He giggle when he sees me, cries when I walk away and rests his head on my shoulder. I love when he sleeps on me, gets all sweaty and his hair gets curly. I love when I take him to choir practice and he sings with my father-in-law. I love that he has tons of toys and he would rather look at his books. I love that he sleeps all night long. I love that he makes my mom happpy.

2) I love my husband. Granted he can be a pain in the ass, but he really cares about me and that is so cool. He doesn’t try to understand everything about me, but that’s okay because I know that I’m weird. And just because he loves me, that doesn’t mean that he gives in to my every whim. Sure, I’d like it if he would let me buy every purse I want, every pair of shoes, and he wouldn’t bitch when I buy fancy Starbucks coffee, but if he did, then it wouldn’t really be who he is. Funnily enough, that doesn’t stop me from buying purses, shoes and coffee. Anyway, Jeff is funny, he has strong hands that are very assuring and protecting, he makes me aware of lots of things going on in the world and he loves: Buster Keaton, the Marx Brothers, George Burns, Gracie Allen and Laurel & Hardy. How many people can say that their husband does an awesome Stan Laurel impersonation?

3) I have a brand new car and house… I HAVE a BRAND NEW car and house. We drive home (since I can’t drive my nice new car right now because of the seizure) and I’m still amazed that this is my house. Its not clean very often, what with a 13 month old, and both of us working full-time (and Jeff having to pick me up), but that’s okay.

4) I love my job. Everyone’s nice, most of the regulars are nice, the kids and teens are great, and a lot of times it doesn’t feel like work. This is really important, because sometimes, when I realize how much work I really do have, it makes me faint. Don’t be fooled by the old woman with bun, thick glasses, millions of cats, likes to read stereotype librarians have. Being a librarian is a lot of work. Thank god that I love working with people and encouraging young people to read. Otherwise, I’d probably slam my head in a car door. Oh I’m positive that there are other jobs that are more stressful, more work, more of a pain-in-the-butt, but (tee-hee) it can still be overwhelming.
Librarians need to order books, plan programs, conduct tours, encourage reading, balance budgets, fix toilets (yes that’s right) perform CPR (you heard me right) make sure no one is drinking beer in the bathroom (yup) and make sure that no one gets hurt. Still, I love being a librarian.
Speaking of which, I need to get up early and go to work. Good night!